I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
