from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Too much gin, very little bucket
Houston, we have a squirter
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
