Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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