omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hippo gnu deer
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
