i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
