You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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