Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
