I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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