No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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