GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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