Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
