so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
