the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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