I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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