Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize