My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
