zippers are such a cool invention
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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