i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
