around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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