May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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