i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
