Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize