You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
