literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
