Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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