New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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