Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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