Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
