i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
