Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
