I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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