dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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