Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
