When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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