The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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