hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
