For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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