guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
