I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
