She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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