your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
