Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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