so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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