I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
