drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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