Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
