Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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