sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
