Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
