i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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