her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
