I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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