so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
