I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
