Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What drink are we having for lunch?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
