I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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