What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
