I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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