A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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