So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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