I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize