No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
