Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
