No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
