All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
