Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
