we have officially lost it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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