When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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