I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
