This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
